black

today is black. dead and sad and black. i woke up at 8 in the mornign,just to clean my room to see rintjo, and there the black starts. he came to me with vicky. i have no problems with her. i hadn't. it started really small and i didn't even got it in the beginning. they just gave pinches to eachother. than they tickeled eachother. offcours i didn't liked that,but hey, who am i to forbid him to have friends. i knew that he stayed over with her last night,because they went out that night. i didn't really had problems with that, because he promissed me that he would sleep in a different room. wrong. totaly wrong. piece by piece i had to hear how she slept in his arms, how she went sleepy by his haertbeat. how his breath was easy. how they didn't went out but stayed on the coutch all night and watched dvd's. i don't know how,but at that moment,i could hide how my heart was breaking. how i felt like they stepped on my soul of glass. i felt so miserable,i could cry. i screamed,i yelled, i died inside. but he didn't noticed. something broke inside. but he didn't noticed. he just pushed me away. ferther and ferther. i don't know if he knew. but it hurted so much. it felt like i crashed. with my face on the ground. humuliated in front of the girl i have to compare with. and now is my day black as the soul i used to have. as the pieces that once were "me" . i really feel like dying right now.