back from roemenia!

well, my loyel readers, i'm back. i'm happy to have a toilet, a shower, a bed,... again, but i'd rather want to be there again. i don't know why. i sufferd a lot (the long,hard walks) but everytime i accomplished a day, i felt like the top of the world. my strongest memorie is the worst of all. life ain't fair, you allways remeber the bad things the best. 
and, the memorie is stronger than the 
experience at the moment. it was the last night, and we could walk around by ourselfs in the city. we hadn't seen a city for 2 weeks, so we were pretty exited, offcourse. at the end, my brother and tim wanted to bring some beer to the place we slept. offcourse, the leaders of the group couldn't know that. so, i had a bag, and i sujested to bring it in my bag. but the leaders aren't stupid. every bag was checked, including mine. they discovered it, and i told them it wasn't mine, but i wasn't planning of betraying my brother, or tim. so, francis said we were going to make a little walk later that night. i saw that he was bluffing, so i just laught it away. i was pushing him to do it, i didn't even noticed that myself at the beginning. also the busride, i just laught with him. at night, we decided to all sleep outside. it was very hot, so no problem with that. rancis was so pissed off, and when i also talked to rose when i had to sleep, he said i had to put on some pants and shoes. i saw in his eyes it wasn't a game anymore. i was become deadserious. but to show it wasn't doing me a thing, i kept laughing with it. maybe it still was a game. but a game for power this time, a game for who has the most confidence. when i wanted to go get my shoes, it wasn't nessecary anymore, he said. at a path with all little stones on it, i had to jog with him and bart. at 3 o' clock in tha night. it was pretty hard, and my feet hurted like hell, but i'd rather bit a piece of my tongue than complaining about it. than, because i still was laughing with them, i had to take a big heavy rock of 5 kilos with me. but, i didn't show the anger in my eyes, and the pain in my arms and feet. than they talked to me. for a long, long time, while i was standing there, with the rock in my arms. i looked into francis' eyes the whole time. i was showing him that they weren't going to crack me. never. i'll never betray my brother. after some more walking the rocxk, i trew him away and run off. just, away. i couldn't stand the fact that 2 grown-up men let a 14-year old girl walk around with a rock at4 o'clock in the morning. that's just... not right. and with that, they tried to push me as far as i pushed them. i screamed at francis that he's a sadistic fuck. and what does he sais? "well, you're metal, aren't you? i taught you liked sadistic,satanistic stuff?" and a litle later he sais: "you're punk and rebel, i think you like to be an example,isn't it?" than, i run away. that fucking moment. and when i got back, an houer? half an houer? later, he came to talk to me. that it wasn't personal. be serious, how more serious can you get? how more can you try to crack someones spirit? but i wasn't going to let that happen. never. after that, i layed awake the whole night and morning. and i looked at bart. i knew he was weaker than francis. he felt this wasn't right, he felt my pain, and couldn't look into my eyes. he couldn't stand seeing my hate for him. but i kept looking at him, and it drove him crazy. the next morning felt so weird. last night my enemies,today the persons who are responsible for my safety. but i wasn't planning on just forget last night. and believe me,i didn't. but, the rest, i'll tell you tomorow.
big kiss!