getting hopeless (1/08/07)

2 days it's been, since i started loving koen. and like i expected, this isn't just starshine and bumblebees. my time with koen is getting shorter and shorter, and the more time is passing, the more i love him. i hate myself for wanting to be with this sweet, mysterious guy i don't even know. but like it's a heartless, cruel game, i also cheer to myself for every taught i spend on him. and believe me, that's a lot. all day i can't think about anything else than the next time i can be as close as possible to him. and because my love is fresh and honest, it feels like a bittersweet disease. i allmost don't eat, and only do it because i want to live, i sleep bad, haunted by my taughts and feelings, and everytime i think about it, my stomic turn and gives a loud protest for not being with him. and those torturing candysweet taughts follow me all the time, like a pink fly. and from the moment i see the chance, i go look for him. that isn't really such a hard thing to do, because every night we have an unspoken appointement at the pooltable. no, love and falling in love isn't something to laugh with. my parents might not take me serious, but the feeling i get if i realise he's going to leave in a couple of day, feels like a slap in my face. a scratch on my happyness, a painfull fact i can't deny.
life's hard...