in conversation with my sheep (29/07/07)

i bought a sheep today. no real one, but a little gift, for leentje. and because i hadn't anyone else to talk to, i talked to my sheep. little sheep, i don't know what to do anymore. i'm afraid... i'm afraid i'm falling in love. not with the annoying weither who wants to get into my pants, not with another turkish guy, not with gregory or rintjo again (i don't even want to think about that) and not with you. no, my fury little friend, not even with you. with koen. someone from antwerp i met her, in kusadasi, in altin saray. and i don't know what to do, how to react when i see him tomorow, what to say if he speaks to me. tonight, i first noticed it.first, we just played pool together withmy brother and his. after that, we went walking together, and i felt like screaming : say something that makes me believe you like me, stop thinking and say what's in that wicked mind that i don't know.  and i know that you live in antwerp and i'm tricking myself because you probably don't even want to be with me right now, and certainly not if you're in antwerp, and i'm in gent. and maybe i'm doing this to you too, if you like me, but i don't even want to hope for it, because it's going to hurts so much if you walk away. and all those taughts turned quicker and quicker trough my head, and than BAM. they stopped. my fast, painfull taughts stopped. and he layed his hand into mine. spontane. and i couldn't think much more anymore, but i felt my heart beating trough my whole body. after we returned i wanted to never leave him alone again, but i also had a strong feeling that i annoyed him the whole time. and now, dear sheep, i don't know anything anymore. i forgot everything i ever learned from love, and want to be with him, but still got the feeling he doesn't want the same. you know what? i'll let the time point me the way, even tough it might be a dissapointment. goodnight, sweet little sheep!