before i continue my story about roemenia, i have a big announcement. i'm... free! i broke up with rintjo. at the end, i got so crazy, i just got sick every time i taught of him. and with that, i went to pole pole (gentse fieste) with lyssa, and who worked at the bar? francis. you know, the guy who let me carry the rock that night. i came to him deadseriously, looked into his eyes, and asked him for beer. and you know what's the funny thing? he couldn't refuse it! because he worked there, and i could order whatever i wanted. you know, it's a hot summernight, it's gentse fieste, and i don't really feel like writing this things down. i'll right to you tomorow for sure!
big kiss.
zaterdag 21 juli 2007
donderdag 19 juli 2007
back from roemenia!
well, my loyel readers, i'm back. i'm happy to have a toilet, a shower, a bed,... again, but i'd rather want to be there again. i don't know why. i sufferd a lot (the long,hard walks) but everytime i accomplished a day, i felt like the top of the world. my strongest memorie is the worst of all. life ain't fair, you allways remeber the bad things the best.
and, the memorie is stronger than the
experience at the moment. it was the last night, and we could walk around by ourselfs in the city. we hadn't seen a city for 2 weeks, so we were pretty exited, offcourse. at the end, my brother and tim wanted to bring some beer to the place we slept. offcourse, the leaders of the group couldn't know that. so, i had a bag, and i sujested to bring it in my bag. but the leaders aren't stupid. every bag was checked, including mine. they discovered it, and i told them it wasn't mine, but i wasn't planning of betraying my brother, or tim. so, francis said we were going to make a little walk later that night. i saw that he was bluffing, so i just laught it away. i was pushing him to do it, i didn't even noticed that myself at the beginning. also the busride, i just laught with him. at night, we decided to all sleep outside. it was very hot, so no problem with that. rancis was so pissed off, and when i also talked to rose when i had to sleep, he said i had to put on some pants and shoes. i saw in his eyes it wasn't a game anymore. i was become deadserious. but to show it wasn't doing me a thing, i kept laughing with it. maybe it still was a game. but a game for power this time, a game for who has the most confidence. when i wanted to go get my shoes, it wasn't nessecary anymore, he said. at a path with all little stones on it, i had to jog with him and bart. at 3 o' clock in tha night. it was pretty hard, and my feet hurted like hell, but i'd rather bit a piece of my tongue than complaining about it. than, because i still was laughing with them, i had to take a big heavy rock of 5 kilos with me. but, i didn't show the anger in my eyes, and the pain in my arms and feet. than they talked to me. for a long, long time, while i was standing there, with the rock in my arms. i looked into francis' eyes the whole time. i was showing him that they weren't going to crack me. never. i'll never betray my brother. after some more walking the rocxk, i trew him away and run off. just, away. i couldn't stand the fact that 2 grown-up men let a 14-year old girl walk around with a rock at4 o'clock in the morning. that's just... not right. and with that, they tried to push me as far as i pushed them. i screamed at francis that he's a sadistic fuck. and what does he sais? "well, you're metal, aren't you? i taught you liked sadistic,satanistic stuff?" and a litle later he sais: "you're punk and rebel, i think you like to be an example,isn't it?" than, i run away. that fucking moment. and when i got back, an houer? half an houer? later, he came to talk to me. that it wasn't personal. be serious, how more serious can you get? how more can you try to crack someones spirit? but i wasn't going to let that happen. never. after that, i layed awake the whole night and morning. and i looked at bart. i knew he was weaker than francis. he felt this wasn't right, he felt my pain, and couldn't look into my eyes. he couldn't stand seeing my hate for him. but i kept looking at him, and it drove him crazy. the next morning felt so weird. last night my enemies,today the persons who are responsible for my safety. but i wasn't planning on just forget last night. and believe me,i didn't. but, the rest, i'll tell you tomorow.
big kiss!
and, the memorie is stronger than the
experience at the moment. it was the last night, and we could walk around by ourselfs in the city. we hadn't seen a city for 2 weeks, so we were pretty exited, offcourse. at the end, my brother and tim wanted to bring some beer to the place we slept. offcourse, the leaders of the group couldn't know that. so, i had a bag, and i sujested to bring it in my bag. but the leaders aren't stupid. every bag was checked, including mine. they discovered it, and i told them it wasn't mine, but i wasn't planning of betraying my brother, or tim. so, francis said we were going to make a little walk later that night. i saw that he was bluffing, so i just laught it away. i was pushing him to do it, i didn't even noticed that myself at the beginning. also the busride, i just laught with him. at night, we decided to all sleep outside. it was very hot, so no problem with that. rancis was so pissed off, and when i also talked to rose when i had to sleep, he said i had to put on some pants and shoes. i saw in his eyes it wasn't a game anymore. i was become deadserious. but to show it wasn't doing me a thing, i kept laughing with it. maybe it still was a game. but a game for power this time, a game for who has the most confidence. when i wanted to go get my shoes, it wasn't nessecary anymore, he said. at a path with all little stones on it, i had to jog with him and bart. at 3 o' clock in tha night. it was pretty hard, and my feet hurted like hell, but i'd rather bit a piece of my tongue than complaining about it. than, because i still was laughing with them, i had to take a big heavy rock of 5 kilos with me. but, i didn't show the anger in my eyes, and the pain in my arms and feet. than they talked to me. for a long, long time, while i was standing there, with the rock in my arms. i looked into francis' eyes the whole time. i was showing him that they weren't going to crack me. never. i'll never betray my brother. after some more walking the rocxk, i trew him away and run off. just, away. i couldn't stand the fact that 2 grown-up men let a 14-year old girl walk around with a rock at4 o'clock in the morning. that's just... not right. and with that, they tried to push me as far as i pushed them. i screamed at francis that he's a sadistic fuck. and what does he sais? "well, you're metal, aren't you? i taught you liked sadistic,satanistic stuff?" and a litle later he sais: "you're punk and rebel, i think you like to be an example,isn't it?" than, i run away. that fucking moment. and when i got back, an houer? half an houer? later, he came to talk to me. that it wasn't personal. be serious, how more serious can you get? how more can you try to crack someones spirit? but i wasn't going to let that happen. never. after that, i layed awake the whole night and morning. and i looked at bart. i knew he was weaker than francis. he felt this wasn't right, he felt my pain, and couldn't look into my eyes. he couldn't stand seeing my hate for him. but i kept looking at him, and it drove him crazy. the next morning felt so weird. last night my enemies,today the persons who are responsible for my safety. but i wasn't planning on just forget last night. and believe me,i didn't. but, the rest, i'll tell you tomorow.
big kiss!
woensdag 4 juli 2007
and you will know us by the trail of death...
...atleast, if my angry look could kill today. i'm pretty happy now, but today felt like everything
was wrong. the way rintjo treated me (like a fucking princess), the way my creditcard blocked when i wanted to buy a ticket to pukkelpop, and the fact that i had to get up at 8 in the morning so the workers in oure house wouldn't have to see me naked (like they wouldn't like it...) and much other things that annoyed me. the only thing that maked me happy, where my new shoes i got! omg, i love them! they're black allstars with skulls on them! moehaha nice. and offcourse, the pigeons. they could make me laugh even if it was war. than, i like saw this amazing top on sale! but than i realized, my creditcard was blocked. but, anyway, i had my shoes, and i was happy. after rintjo
was gone, nothing really interresting happend. i know i said he maid me puke yesterday, but today, after i got my shoes, i could stand it a little more being around him. and i was even exited when he said he could go with me to pukkelpop. tomorow, i don't have to worry about how i'm going to spend my wasted time around him, because (wheter he likes it or not) i'm going shopping with leentje. and that evening, i leave for roemenia for 2 weeks. so, i'm not going to write blogs those 2 weeks, but than, i'm going to write everyday to my readers (that's about 2 or 3)! now, i'm going to cick my 2 brother's asses
on the playstation.
big kiss!
was wrong. the way rintjo treated me (like a fucking princess), the way my creditcard blocked when i wanted to buy a ticket to pukkelpop, and the fact that i had to get up at 8 in the morning so the workers in oure house wouldn't have to see me naked (like they wouldn't like it...) and much other things that annoyed me. the only thing that maked me happy, where my new shoes i got! omg, i love them! they're black allstars with skulls on them! moehaha nice. and offcourse, the pigeons. they could make me laugh even if it was war. than, i like saw this amazing top on sale! but than i realized, my creditcard was blocked. but, anyway, i had my shoes, and i was happy. after rintjo
was gone, nothing really interresting happend. i know i said he maid me puke yesterday, but today, after i got my shoes, i could stand it a little more being around him. and i was even exited when he said he could go with me to pukkelpop. tomorow, i don't have to worry about how i'm going to spend my wasted time around him, because (wheter he likes it or not) i'm going shopping with leentje. and that evening, i leave for roemenia for 2 weeks. so, i'm not going to write blogs those 2 weeks, but than, i'm going to write everyday to my readers (that's about 2 or 3)! now, i'm going to cick my 2 brother's asses
on the playstation.
big kiss!
dinsdag 3 juli 2007
i'm not 70!
if i look back at this day : i think : omg. i acted like an old woman today! and it's rintjo's fucking fault! offcours, we've been together today (he's really starting to get on my nerves again)
and first, we did the dishes together. not because i really had to, he just saw them lying there, andd he decided to do th fucking dishes! what is wrong with the guy? than, we went walking with my dog. well, RO-MAN-TIC but so old! why does he want "us" to be like an old couple? why can't we go to the city? make fun? WHY? than, a woman called about buying over my schoolbooks. i was thankfull to god (or satan) that i could have my hands to something else for a little while! he said he had to leave at 4 o'clock, but you know what? GREAT FUCKING NEWS! his mom said he could stay longer! than, my mom asked if he wanted to sip a cup of tea with her and my grandpa. and what does the guy say? yes. what kind of NORMAL 16-year old boy wants to sip a cup of tea with his girfriend's mom and grandpa? what kind of? well, mine, appearently. than, we went to my room. what did we do? we romanticly layed into eachothers arms. man, it's annoying me. you want to know what he said? "i'd like to do this, on an evening, together on the coutch, while we watch a romantic film under a warm blanket and eat chips and have something to drink." i taught i was going to puke. ok, it's not good if all a guy does is think about sex. but just a little is really welcome! i'm not ready to do those things yet!
i want to party, hang out, have sex. but not sit like an old married couple in front of the tv when we're home alone. i wanted to scream, i swear! and than, my mom invited him
to dinner. and what did he
say? you know what he said.
after that he helped cleaning up (surprise,surprise) i wanted him
out, really. but nooo, it took another houer to get him out. and than... my mom sais to him that he can come over tomorow. no. pleas NOOOOO! i love him, i do, but i'm going to puke him out if he's with me still this much! i swear! like the cheese! i don't think he understood my message. i don't know what to do. i'll tell you tomorow what happend. i think i'm going to give him a punch if he wants to kiss me. it's stronger than myself!
god help me...
and first, we did the dishes together. not because i really had to, he just saw them lying there, andd he decided to do th fucking dishes! what is wrong with the guy? than, we went walking with my dog. well, RO-MAN-TIC but so old! why does he want "us" to be like an old couple? why can't we go to the city? make fun? WHY? than, a woman called about buying over my schoolbooks. i was thankfull to god (or satan) that i could have my hands to something else for a little while! he said he had to leave at 4 o'clock, but you know what? GREAT FUCKING NEWS! his mom said he could stay longer! than, my mom asked if he wanted to sip a cup of tea with her and my grandpa. and what does the guy say? yes. what kind of NORMAL 16-year old boy wants to sip a cup of tea with his girfriend's mom and grandpa? what kind of? well, mine, appearently. than, we went to my room. what did we do? we romanticly layed into eachothers arms. man, it's annoying me. you want to know what he said? "i'd like to do this, on an evening, together on the coutch, while we watch a romantic film under a warm blanket and eat chips and have something to drink." i taught i was going to puke. ok, it's not good if all a guy does is think about sex. but just a little is really welcome! i'm not ready to do those things yet!
i want to party, hang out, have sex. but not sit like an old married couple in front of the tv when we're home alone. i wanted to scream, i swear! and than, my mom invited him
to dinner. and what did he
say? you know what he said.
after that he helped cleaning up (surprise,surprise) i wanted him
out, really. but nooo, it took another houer to get him out. and than... my mom sais to him that he can come over tomorow. no. pleas NOOOOO! i love him, i do, but i'm going to puke him out if he's with me still this much! i swear! like the cheese! i don't think he understood my message. i don't know what to do. i'll tell you tomorow what happend. i think i'm going to give him a punch if he wants to kiss me. it's stronger than myself!
god help me...
maandag 2 juli 2007
like the wind
today, i didn't really knew how to feel. one moment, i wanted to be with rintjo, the other, he just had to stay off my body. the one moment, i was laughing (pretty hystericly) and the other i was deadserious and angry. 2 men came to work at oure house this morning. one was a year of 50, and the other was a delicious guy of 26. D-licious! and i had the privelige to watch his cute but all day. just a shame it was just today i was going to have to talk to rintjo. that didn't went just like i wanted it to go. but i talked to him,and if the message didn't came trough now, than there's something really wrong with the guy. first we had a discussion about pornormal gifts. he thinks he can feel "gosts" in his room and that his dreams predict the future. what kind of BULLSHIT is that? dreams are a game of your mind that put pieces of your thaugts, feelings, memories and things you saw in one film, they don't predict. but hey, i ried my best to convince him, if he wants to believe all this messed up crap, than that's his problem. after that, we went walking, and talked about "us". i'm not really sure that he understood my point, but if he didn't, i seriously doubt his brain-qualitys. later, in my room, my crazyness began. he asked me what i realy wanted to do in my life. and i said deadseriously : i'd like to murder someone sometime. i wonder how it feels to push a knife trough someone's chest. and than run for the cops...
i think that would be nice.
you should've saw him looking. i love it! and that moment, i ment it too. man, i freak myself out sometimes. well, i don't really feel like writing anymore, but i'll tell you more tomorow about the but of the worker!
big kiss
i think that would be nice.
you should've saw him looking. i love it! and that moment, i ment it too. man, i freak myself out sometimes. well, i don't really feel like writing anymore, but i'll tell you more tomorow about the but of the worker!
big kiss
zondag 1 juli 2007
freaking out
i'm sorry i didn't wrote anything for the last 2 days, but just nothing interresting happens. if you see everything by itself. if you take all the pieces of the puzzle and put
them together, than you become a scary reality. the reality is : rintjo is like an anaconda. he holds me in a strong grip right by my troath. i swear, i had too much. TOO MUCH! i'm going to freak out if there's one more smssignal that's he controlated me,or that he wants to see me over and over and over again and again every single fucking day!! i don't even want to be with me that much. and how much he wants to believe it, this ain't my fault. he's my boyfriend,not my siamese twin! and than i talk to him, he acted like it was all MY fault. can you believe it? he treats me like michael scoffield, and than it's my fault! i'm going to talk to him tomorow,and if i still feel like scratching his eyes out, than i don't know anymore. he just has to stop thinking black-white. it's not so that one of the two controles the relation, while the other listens. he thinks that, if it isn't him, it's me. but it won't work that way! how can he not see that? anyway, if you don't count that, my last 2 days weren't really bad. just going to my family (and who could babysit? that's right...) and going to lyssa. i did find out how hard it is to find something to do on a sundayafternoon. well, further, nothing really interresting happend.
big kiss!
them together, than you become a scary reality. the reality is : rintjo is like an anaconda. he holds me in a strong grip right by my troath. i swear, i had too much. TOO MUCH! i'm going to freak out if there's one more smssignal that's he controlated me,or that he wants to see me over and over and over again and again every single fucking day!! i don't even want to be with me that much. and how much he wants to believe it, this ain't my fault. he's my boyfriend,not my siamese twin! and than i talk to him, he acted like it was all MY fault. can you believe it? he treats me like michael scoffield, and than it's my fault! i'm going to talk to him tomorow,and if i still feel like scratching his eyes out, than i don't know anymore. he just has to stop thinking black-white. it's not so that one of the two controles the relation, while the other listens. he thinks that, if it isn't him, it's me. but it won't work that way! how can he not see that? anyway, if you don't count that, my last 2 days weren't really bad. just going to my family (and who could babysit? that's right...) and going to lyssa. i did find out how hard it is to find something to do on a sundayafternoon. well, further, nothing really interresting happend.
big kiss!
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