time

your time is ticking away on my meadows of yesterday. but what is time? how important is that that everybody wants that badly? people say time heals the wounds.  time heals the wounds. maybe some wounds can't be heald by time. than what can you do about that? more time? more everthing-curing medicin? maybe time doesn't heal the wounds. time gives you the oppertunity to heal them yourslef. time tells you that it's over. that the wounds, no matter how deep, won't be closed anymore, because what time gives, he doesn't take back. wheter you asked fot it or not. maybe time didn't braught us together. maybe this wasn't planned? than it's all a paper dream. a fool's fantasy. only braugt by time to slaughter the flesh and skin the life. this wound won't heel. this wound is still raw and deep like it allways was, for as long as i can remember. i can't rewind this pain. i can't cure this timebom. allready expoded, but still ticking. still ticking...

...

i'm ready to break. i mean it, ready to fall, with my face on the floor. it's too much, it's just fucking too much.
 everything is stressing me out. every word anyone sais 
can make me cry right now. i scream, i yell, i die inside. but no-one can hear what i'm doing on the inside. no-one feels what's going on in my mind. i can allmost hear the alarmbel ticking in my head, waiting for that last thing that can make it explode. it makes me feel like a balloon, filled up, more and more, untill it explodes. and after that, i feel empty. just like the balloon. i'm more in sudden death than ever. i feel worse than ever. i can't talk about everything. i can't say that that's afraid of the daylight. you can't fix what you can't see. am i pushing you away? are you afraid to know this truth? or am i afraid of it. is it me who tries to deny what's clearly alive?